Nov 18th – The hill

Today I succeeded brilliantly in the 10minute meditation/focus-on-future challenge. Well, sort of! I went to the top of the hill near my house (where i was filmed for the intro sequence to LAst Man Standing) and I stood on a bench and just stared into the distance over Heathrow airport. At first I focused on the twirling red radar thing, but then I thought it might be better to look into the sky, with no particular focal point. It gave me a better sense of open-ness and I thought that might be good when thinking about my future. And so I just stood there motionless for ten minutes at least (i didn’t hear the timer finish!) and it was cool because the wind was really strong and i had to lean forward to counteract it. So that was brilliant. the harder part was staying focused in my thoughts. The first few minutes i decided i would consciously think about nothing, and when thoughts came into my head i would dispel them straight away. this worked well. But then for the rest of the time when i was thinking about how I wanted my future to look, i kept losing track and drifting off into random thoughts. I guess it showed me that unless you have a really clear picture of what you want and where you want to go – chances are you will become easily distracted and lose sight of it….

Completely forgot about the random acts of kindness, but I’m hoping that I’m just such a kind person that i did something kind without even knowing it! (lol) But actually I think that’s how it should be. If you’re having to go out of your way to do one kind thing – maybe that’s missing the point. Better to be seeing how you can do kind things all the time…and occasionaly just do a random act of unkindness to balance it out!? (just joking of course)

It’s not easy committing to doing anything every single day -without fail, but i can see that it would get easier, because you stop thinking about it so much and you just assume that you’ll find a way to do it. And also, if you can look forward to doing something, then it’s not a burden. That’s why I want to make these blogs a bit more ‘me’ – partly my serious thoughts and reflections on life – and partly my more ridiculous thoughts. because truthfully I would say my brain is roughly an even split of the two.

Got a CD recording of my final gig today in the post. Had a listen and was partly inspired and partly made me realise that I’m doing the right thing by stepping back from music for a while. And the reason i thought that is because my musicianship was pretty poor in places, and it made me realise, I want to return to music at a different point, and when I do I want to push myself to a higher level in it. Not the kind of ‘pub’ level where anything goes as long as the crowd enjoys it. The kind of level where the crowd really enjoys it, but your musicianship is more like a classical performer – where mistakes just don’t fly! I know it’s not all about perfection in music – but we all have to set ourselves standards, and i know that in the right circumstances mine can be right up where i feel they should be. But the time is not right now.

This was longer than i planned to write. I think I ‘ll shorten my blg tomorrow. try to do what they taught me on Last Man Standing – get to the point, don’t waffle on! Because we’re only gonna use a few minutes of what you say, so you’d better get to the point! πŸ™‚ Fair enough – i think they were right

Posted in Rajko's Blog | 4 Comments

4 Responses to Nov 18th – The hill

  1. rita knipe says:

    Looking forward to those serious thoughts…. oh well the ridiculous ones too.

    Love
    Rita

  2. Allison says:

    I’m so glad to be seeing so many blog entries! I blog as well and find it can be a great release. Also a great way to express myself. Love your ideas of things to start focusing on. But I have to say, a cold shower sounds miserable! What do you find it accomplishes? I’m sure you must do it for a reason. Maybe if I had a reason I may try it. Or maybe not. πŸ˜‰

  3. Just to answer the question of why take a cold shower…

    well it’s simple really. Apart from really waking you up and refreshing you and stimulating blood flow throughout your body….boring boring….here is what I’ve experienced:

    Hot Showers are great while they last, but they’re really hard to step out of, and usually after them I feel a little tired and dry-skinned.

    Cold showers on the other hand can be a bit shocking at times and only enjoyable in a very different way…but afterwards I feel like a million dollars.

    So it’s simple…enjoy a brief moment and feel pretty average afterwards. Or sacrifice a little comfort for feeling amazing for a long time afterwards.

    That’s my honest answer, but it’s something you have to try and get used to before you’ll believe me. πŸ™‚

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